My husband, Robbie, is always on the lookout for “good wood.” On our drives outside of town, he often points to places where he can find dead pine logs that render hearts rich with sap or slow-burning woods for smoking meats.
One day we stood facing a jagged tree on our property that suffered a lightning storm, and he marveled over how much firewood it would yield.
As he stood admiring the sky-brushing giant, he said, “There is so much life in a dead tree.”
His words struck me. Yes, this wood could be useful by throwing it in the fire. But it was already giving so much life to the world, even in its state of decay.
Suddenly, what originally looked to me like an eyesore became a thriving haven of life. I imagined the bugs as food for lizards which fed the birds that killed the snakes. I saw the rich decaying wood that had fallen on the ground, giving away necessary nutrients. And I saw green sprouts at the root, shooting out, seeking to be reborn.
Yes, the tree was dead in one way, but its bark was bursting with life in every direction—from branches to roots. True, that tree is not what it once was, but it had entered a new era, giving life in a new way.
It’s the same with relationships. They can look dead, but there is still a lot of life left if you will learn to look for it.
Perhaps your marriage seems lifeless. It could be that tragedy struck like lightning and mangled some of the branches, causing the blooms of love to dry up and fall away.
Or maybe your relationship with your adult children seems broken or hollow. It may feel like there’s no way to connect to them, as if the pulse of life in the family tree has dried up. You may even be cut off from your grandchildren, and you’re wondering if there is any hope of being grafted back in.
If you’re there, don’t give up. There are those who find shelter in your presence—if not your spouse or your children and grandchildren, then your community and the church.
But the best news is that no matter how bad things seem, those roots run deep, and with some tender care from God’s graceful loving hands, there will be new growth. As the Apostle Paul said, “And let us not grow weary in doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up” (Galatians 6:9).
That new growth may not look like the old tree. It might bring about new growth like the sprouts of a relationship with new boundaries and a new way of connecting, It might be a testimony to help others avoid the pain and loss experienced in your own life. It might be a renewed sense of purpose as you call on God to “work all things together for our good” (Romans 8:28). But no matter what, there’s a lot of life left in that dead tree.
I hope you will look for the ways God is bringing life through your seemingly dead relationships. Don’t give up but pray. Jesus said, “Truly, truly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit.” Just like Jesus showed us through His resurrection, sometimes death is not the end—sometimes, it’s the beginning.
Sabrina McDonald has a master’s in marriage and family counseling from Liberty University. She has been a writer and speaker on marriage and family issues for more than 20 years and has written several books, including A Home Built from Love and Loss published by Focus on the Family.