At 23 years old, I lost someone important to me. One day they were here, the next day they were suddenly and tragically gone. The night before their funeral, someone talked with me about grieving with hope. I wish I could tell you that I fully understood what she was saying, but it took some time for me to understand how helpful her words were. My mind was already spinning, I was shocked, confused, and angry. While grieving with hope was said with the best intentions at the time, what I was feeling was just too raw to see beyond the moment and see the healing that would take place. Looking back, I can understand the importance of remembering our hope in God as we learn to take steps forward. If I knew then what I know now, I would have made space for both my feelings regarding the loss and the truth that I needed to hear to help heal in a way that drew me closer to God. 

As I began to process and heal, and in working as a therapist, I have learned that living with grief is a lot like learning how to surf. At first every wave of grief that hits seems really big and out of control, but eventually you learn how to respond to the waves and even the big waves seem less intimidating. You discover what you need on holidays, anniversaries, and birthdays; while the ache is still there because you will always miss them, you are able to handle the hard days with more confidence and self-compassion. 

Grieving with hope doesn’t mean we skip the pain or sadness, it means we grieve knowing that our hope is in God and that He will carry us tenderly through a season of pain. Jesus was fully God and fully man, He understands our feelings and is able to sympathize with us. Grieving with hope looks like: 

Letting God meet you where you are. John 11 tells of a beautiful story where Jesus wept with His friends Mary and Martha who were grieving the loss of their brother, Lazarus, though Jesus knew the miracle that was about to take place. This passage of Scripture has stuck with me and provided a lot of comfort in grief. Jesus knew the future, but He didn’t let that stop Him from experiencing sorrow and showing compassion; He met His friends where they were. Be honest with Him in your feelings, He can handle it. God isn’t lost on our feelings, He created us with the ability to experience them, and He knows how to meet us in our feelings better than anyone else. We can’t skip the hard moments that draw us near to Him. When we draw near, He will meet us with compassion, tenderness, and comfort. 

Remembering His faithfulness. During the deepest moments of our grief, it can be tempting to start believing lies: the pain will never end, I am hopeless, I have been forgotten, I can’t make it through this, there is nothing good left for me. Eventually, we must come to believe that our loss isn’t the end of our story; that God isn’t done, and He still has good things for us. This happens through reflecting on His faithfulness to His people and being in the Word. Psalm 105 is a beautiful Psalm of praise that highlights God’s faithfulness to the Israelites despite their unfaithfulness to Him. Though the people failed, God never did. He remained faithful to His people then, and He remains faithful to us in every season. 

Believing God still has good things. The book of Habakkuk is a short prophetic book, three chapters long. Habakkuk was speaking to the Lord on behalf of the people, he was seeing horrible, awful things during the time of the Babylonian captivity. He didn’t understand why God was allowing this. Here’s the thing, Habakkuk was in the middle of the process and couldn’t see the end result. He didn’t know what was coming, but God did. Their captivity wouldn’t last forever, and God knew that. In fact, God already had someone picked out to rebuild the Temple after the captivity was over…God knew the rebuilding was coming. In the midst of our grief, God knows what good He has planned for us, He knows the future He has in store. Even if it doesn’t feel good, we can trust and hope for the good that is coming because God is bigger than our pain in a hard season. 

We need time and space to process our loss and therapy can be a great outlet for that. There is not a specific timeline for healing grief. Everyone grieves differently and needs different things to begin to take steps forward. Allow yourself the space to feel your feelings while also holding onto truth and hope. Hope never leaves because God never leaves. 

Sarah Gaskin, LPC, Living Well Counseling, is passionate about helping people heal from trauma and process grief. When she isn’t working, she loves spending time outside, reading, or drinking way too much coffee. 

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