This article was written by Warren Gasaway, student ministry specialist and interim team leader of the Church Health Team at the Arkansas Baptist State Convention.
Relationships can take on many forms. Some are more informational. When a person introduces herself, she can share information about who she is. The relationship is introductory, and knowledge is being passed. Often in our small group settings at church, we rely on more informative relationships. Come, sit, learn, and leave. Knowledge and information are shared. Nothing is wrong with those types of relationships, but they are not strong in fostering great discipleship.
Some relationships are transactional. When a person builds a relationship with a business through customer service, he is exchanging something of value and receiving a product or service. An expectation exists of giving something of value and in exchange a specific need is met. There is a transaction that takes place. Sometimes in the church, this is the way we treat our small groups or congregations. We want people to come. We can count them as numbers. They give time and attention and presence. In exchange the pastor or the small group leader can give helpful teachings. Again, there is nothing inherently bad in that relationship, but it does feel a little too commodity driven. It falls short of the vision of church we see in the Scriptures.
Transformative relationships, however, have a different motivation. In a transformative relationship, both people enter with the hopes of becoming better… transformed. The relationship moves beyond information and transaction. People are in relationships to be changed, to grow together, and to share life. In a transformative relationship, both parties are giving and receiving and sacrificing for a bigger mission or goal. In a church or small group setting, the attitude of both the participants and the leaders shifts from “what can I get out of this” to “how do we become more like Jesus.” Transformative relationships move past the currencies of time and information to real engagement, compassion, and love.
In leading our churches and small groups, striving for these types of relationships will improve our opportunities for making disciples who make disciples who make disciples.